What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
