I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
