i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
