My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize