Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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