do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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