my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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