Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
being pregnant is like rehab
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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