Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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