so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
