so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need moral support for this bender
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
