I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Randomize
