Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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