look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Rumble strips road head = magical
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
