Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
