a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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