Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
