just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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