Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
