On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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