I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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