I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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