so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you didnt know i had herpes?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
