New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
