There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
