I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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