just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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