Just cropdusted the office
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
