If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
