non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
