Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
