the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
