I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
