can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
