i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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