I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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