I think i peed on brittanys purse
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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