he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
