exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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