i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
