Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
