He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Farmville is her only friend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
