Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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