he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
