apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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