Please, let me fuck your mom
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
third nipple confirmed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
