Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
