Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize