No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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