My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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