either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
