You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
