I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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