**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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