mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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