I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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