apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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