I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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