ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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