I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
