That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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