I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
