That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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