My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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