In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
