I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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