doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
