toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
