her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
