I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
