your parents love me but you hate me
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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