I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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