If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
