I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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